This is the Passaic River. This is My Backyard. #NJ

This flood water is beyond toxic, the local fluff jock mused in a tone more properly used to announce a controversial new energy drink: Beyond Toxic!

She was on the phone from the front line, I presumed from the background noise, but could have easily read the official bulletin from two sound booths over.

Please remember the dead animals, pesticides, oil, garbage, raw sewage, and unspeakable other things in those flood waters.

The two radio voices exchanged some icky noises before returning to the point.

Stay away from the water! And if the water touches your skin, wash immediately with clean, hot, soapy water. Then, cover the exposed area with Bacitracin ointment to prevent infection.

The narrative abruptly transitioned to reports of people being swept away by ankle deep water.

You may think you can just walk across it, an official told me, but the water is raging at 40 mph! And these three kids were swept down the river and pulled under! Luckily, they managed to grab hold of a dirt mound [a dirt mound?] Yes! They grabbed hold of a dirt mound and crawled to safety!

My first thought: that’s a lot of Bacitracin ointment.

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