(written w/ Charles Bivona)
If you add up sexting, facebook messages, tweets, emails, and guys just whipping it out—“look what I got, it’s almost all the way hard”—I’ve seen three times as much cock as I’ve actually touched.
Now maybe men have always been this proud of their junk, but a plethora of penis pics per weekend? This has to be a new experience in the anthropology of womanhood. And I’ve begun to notice certain categories emerging in this new penile art form.
- Downward Facing Dog: This shot is taken from chin perspective with a thumb assist—make sure the little soldier stands at full attention.
- Let Me Give You A Hand: This is when the artist wraps his penis with either one or two hands to illustrate his girth, and length—one hand atop the other: Ohhh it’s a two hand job! Or even a one hand job to show you how much room is left for your discretion.
- Some Real Life Context: In these photos the penis is always placed on the side of an object—usually penis on the right, object on the left—for the sake of comparison. Most popular compare and contrast objects to date: a Comcast remote control, an 8 x11 piece of paper, a Gatorade bottle, and a DVD case. In the rare case of an actual two hand jobber, there may be a ruler. Yeah, I’ve seen a ruler or two.
Here’s the thing though, most of these penises were unsolicited. Yes, there may have been some mild dirty talk back and forth, sure, but nothing that would invite a sudden penis shot. I mean, how did you just go from what are you wearing to what do you think of this? I think we missed something in the middle there, buddy. Get it together.
Lulu Dating daydreams of writing her own Dating & Relationship Column.
Follow her on Twitter: @LuluDating»