Monthly Archives: February 2012

$1500 in reader donations helped save my home…again. #ThankYou #poet

We were counting on our federal tax refund to pull us out of a rent hole we’ve been stuck in. About three weeks of unemployment hit our family, and benefits were, of course, denied—temp to perm jobs count as contract work. And contract work is ineligible for unemployment insurance, even though you still pay for it. But anyway. She reached into our network, found a new full-time gig, but we were still stuck in this rent hole with another eviction notice looming.

So, we rushed to finish our taxes, as soon as the W2′s came, as soon as humanly possible, we filed. By some miracle of numbers, the refund was exactly what we needed to catch up! Plus a very little extra. “We can go out to dinner,” I told her, ”or see a movie.”

“That would be nice,” she said.

We took a deep breath, another eviction notice averted, and waited for the wire transfer in 7-10 days. The money never came. The eviction notice did.

And when she investigated, when she called the IRS Hotline, a robot phone voice told her that the Department of Education had offset the refund to pay some of our student loan debt.

When she told me about it, she was sobbing, and I just collapsed into a panic attack, hyperventilating. I barely kept myself from vomiting. It was a real mess, but it scared her out of her own panic. There was talk of a hospital visit, but I protested. We don’t have health insurance. She called out of work. She insisted, a family emergency—i.e. my collapsing health. It was a bad morning.

I announced the devastating  news on Twitter. I was angry and bitter. I was ready to give up. I think that was part of the tweet: “I give up.”

I went back to bed, physically and emotionally exhausted.

Then something amazing happened. Around noon, a woman popped up on Twitter and announced her $20 donation to “get this party started!” Within minutes, another donation—this time it was a familiar follower. She’d donated before. Three times. She owns the t-shirt I wrote. And now she’d convinced her mom to throw a $75 donation into some Twitter poet’s internet hat. Soon, $100 donations were coming in, a few $50, another $20, etc. etc.

I’m humbled. I’m touched. I’m overwhelmed. And I’m definitely not feeling angry and bitter anymore. For that, I thank you. And for the money, my little family is especially grateful—especially Bodhi.

What else can I say, blogosphere social media world? What are you always looking to the sky for? Look around you. Open your eyes. Pay attention. Other people are the real miracles.


» Thank You «

If you don’t trust the Internet with your information,
make donation checks or money orders payable to:
“Active Voice, LLC”

and address to:

Active Voice
PO Box 784
Pine Brook NJ 07058

And thank you for reading along.
And please note: I’m not giving up.

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The Human Extinction

 
 
 

I read a story, I think it was on TomDispatch, that cited a climate scientist or economist or something official, who is claiming that what scientists call “The Climate Window” will be closing in 2014.

That means, if this man is correct, that our species has two years to radically altar this entire global civilization–to halt the rise of CO2 and other greenhouse gases in our atmosphere.

If we don’t make these changes, if we do not slow/halt/reverse the alarming, accelerating rise of these gases in our atmosphere, according to this expert, any chance to avoid the human extinction will be lost.

We have two years, this quoted specialist assured me, and no one’s even talking about this. No one is even planning or beginning the arduous process of doing something, anything to stop this crisis from being our death knell as a species.

Two years, I thought, and shrugged. It could be 50 years, and it wouldn’t matter. Sure, we’ll probably be extinct in 100 years, which means our children’s children will live horrible lives of squalor as the species slowly dies. But whatev. People want their Escalades, and the powerful want us to fill up on Canadian tar sands.

Sometimes I wonder, as a writer, why I’m bothering to do this, to represent my life in language, to find the words, if no one will be around in a century to read them. That seems a bleak prediction, but it also seems to be most likely accurate. And words are just scratches and marks without human eyes to read them. So, what is the purpose of a human poet when the human species is dying?

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Bullshit is the glue that holds the United States together: more lessons from Professor School

 

But “our boat” needs a lot of rocking. The climate is gearing up to eat our species, and we’re arguing over obsolete religious notions about conception and birth control. And that’s just one of the many non-debates raging across our half truth media nation.

 Maybe I should vote for Ron Paul: the embodiment of American bullshit. “It’s about Liberty!” That fucking hack.

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When I was in Professor School, this was one of my specialties. #njpoet #CV

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Love and the #NDAA

 

January 2, 2012

I was telling my friend Sarah how sick I’d been on New Years Eve—flu, 102-degree fever, nausea, etc.

“That’s terrible!” Sarah said, visibly upset. She’d just finished telling me about her fantastic Eve: a party with her boyfriend, deeply in love, a very special kiss at midnight.

She was the editor-in-chief of the student newspaper at one of the universities where I was once an adjunct professor. She graduated, I quit because of slave wages, but we stayed in touch. She’s become a close friend.

“What bad luck,” she sighed, “getting sick on New Years Eve.” She frowned with her eyes. And so, in the interest of good conversation, I shifted to current events.

“Well, on the bright side,” Sarah leaned in, she likes bright sides, “on the bright side, in a way, I didn’t miss Obama signing the NDAA into law.”

That’s when Sarah turned green.

“Wait…” She put her hand up to stop me. “He signed it?! No!”  I thought she was going to cry, but she started talking very fast instead, asking rapid fire questions—questions like “when did this happen?” and “how did I miss this?”

She already knew the answers and, as a journalist, knows the political drill intimately: sign an unpopular piece of legislation when no one is watching. But on New Years Eve?! She just hadn’t seen that coming, and in the shock of her realization, in that staggered moment, she looked to me for the one piece of information her intuition couldn’t muster. I gladly answered before she even posed the question.

“It was his last official act as President in 2011.” Sarah’s face dropped lower. “He signed it at the very end of the day, on New Year’s Eve, while everyone in America was getting ready for a party,” I said.

She was just shaking her head, and well, you just have to know Sarah. I knew she was poised to blame herself, to unfairly chastise herself for a night of fun, for being at a party, for being in love, for not being outraged, in real time, as this civil liberties catastrophe unfolded. She just kept shaking her head and repeating, “But I’ve been following this story like a hawk, for months…months…” I moved to reassure her.

“It was a shitty political tactic.” I let that hang in her mind for a moment before I added, “Obama is a typical politician.” Sarah shrugged and nodded. She seemed unsure, so I broadened my scope.

“Ok, think about it this way: sure, President Obama signed the NDAA, gave himself the power to indefinitely detain anyone on a whim, even though he promises, of course, that he’ll never take advantage of that power…”

“That’s bullshit!” Sarah interrupted. I agreed, and continued.

“…sure, but consider this: the other guy from the last election, Senator John McCain, he co-wrote the legislation. So, no matter the results of the 2008 election, the indefinite detention of American citizens without charge or trial still becomes the law of our land.”

Sarah put her head down and rubbed her temple. She knew I was right. President McCain probably would’ve signed the NDAA with ceremony, and then told us all to shut the fuck up about it, or else.

“And what about Kerry, 2004?” I suddenly realized. “If President John Kerry was halfway through his second term on New Year’s Eve, 2011, would he have signed a bill like the NDAA into law?”

Sarah’s experience told her the answer, but I filled in the historical blank.

“Senator Kerry, how do you vote on the NDAA? Senator Kerry votes: yea.”

Sarah just stared at me.

“It seems to me,” I concluded, “that in the twelve years since the Bush d’etat of 2000, every serious candidate for the Presidency, based on their current involvement with the bill, would have signed the NDAA into law.”

Sarah just shook her head, deflated, while I sighed the only phrase a Clinton Era, Gen X kid can manage in these situations.

“Rock the Vote.”

Judge Napolitano’s show has since been canceled by FOX News.

Please Continue Reading

memoirs in fragments
by Charles Bivona

[It's my Leaves of Grass]

» Start Here «

 

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Reason has nothing to do with it. #njpoet #memoir

If you use your imagination, transform the analyst into a very frail, broadly smiling woman, mid 70s, then this video—from the John Ritter film, Skin Deep—accurately represents the eight years I spent working with Harriet Wilson, LCSW, of Montclair, New Jersey.

 

Harriet died suddenly in 2005, just before I entered my PhD program. I still miss her mind deeply, and think of her advice often. She taught me that our feelings about our feelings can lead to emotional trouble, and that, because of this, we must be critical of the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

In the seven years since Harriet’s death, sticking with a regular therapist has been difficult. She remains irreplaceable.

#njpoet

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Maybe I’m a little burned out.

 

Maybe I’ve been running numbers—juggling money in my head—for too many years. Maybe I’ve lost touch with my poetic voices, whatever that means. I mean, I’m still writing, sure. I pace around my apartment, scribbling into several different notebooks. I research and debate on social media, I keep things clean while the partner is at work: dishes, laundry, grocery shopping. I make dinner every night.  “So, you’re a house husband.” my friend Mike summarized, walking from his kitchen. He handed me a beer, plopped back on his sofa, and smiled. “The gritty poetry of homemaking.” Mike sipped his beer, nodded his head, and coughed. “I like it.” On the days I’m not writing, I go to Mike’s apartment. He’s an old friend from high school—known him for years—and he’s been a particularly good friend lately: loaning me money, feeding me when there were no groceries, listening to my insane ranting about the state of the country, the economy, the species, the world. Mike knows nothing about politics or poetry. He’s been teaching me how to watch football—a way for me to unwind and relax. “Take a break from saving the world and watch a game,” Mike said, on the day my football adventure started. It was a few weeks back. I stopped by with $60 he’d loaned me to cover my electric bill, and he gently badgered me into staying. “You look like hell, man!” he said. “Take a break from saving the world, and watch a game with us.” He had company, but I don’t remember which teams were playing. My head was spinning. “Come on man,” Mike handed me a beer, “the game just started…take a seat.” I honestly wanted to cry, but thought better of it. Thanks, Mike.

 

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Gas Prices: a poem #njpoet

 
 
 

—feel your mind squeeze
the throat—choke—a beaten

down car—a side road—an open
window retreat—wind through

the trees—a natural static
hissing beneath the traffic—

it’s harsh slapping
doppler vibrations—

past the corporate glass
dildos raping the sky—inch by

infected inch—all for profit—for
internal combustion and a wheezing,

a hissing noise pollution—just turn them off—
they vomit—all of our various engines—

at the count of a decade—and maybe
we’ll hear the breeze again—

 

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:: memoirs in fragments ::
By Charles Bivona

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Poetry & Poetics w/ Charles Bivona
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