Monthly Archives: March 2011

War is Child Abuse: Dissertation Freewriting w/ links

 
 
 

Yes, I equate war to child abuse—as in, the government abused my unborn childhood when they sent my father to Vietnam in 1967—one of the worst years of Johnson’s escalation.

They sent him to a country that was foreign down to the smells of the place…[see Appy] —put him in kill or be killed positions. He killed a lot of people. [details about the battle]

He also saw friends explode in front of him. In mid-sentence, he would say: “one minute he was talking to me then he was just gone.” He always laughed in a “can you fucking believe that?” kind of way—shaking his head.

It’s laugh or go further crazy, I reasoned.

He has bullet shrapnel in his leg. They dumped Agent Orange on him. He survived to carry a purple heart, and a bronze star for going above and beyond to save the friends that didn’t explode in front of him, and for killing a lot of poor rice farmers in the process.

I think his medals shame him. He refused to leave them to me in his will.

“I’ll put them in a nice case, display them in my home, to honor you.” I argued. “I mean, you’re literally a war hero, dad.”

“Killing people.” he told me, “is nothing to be proud of.”

My adult life has been a search for answers about my father’s time in Vietnam. My hope has always been to understand the emotional dynamics of war and war trauma—of what happened to my father—through the literature of traumatized soldiers.

This life study has added context to my childhood memories, inspired this website, and led to a deeper healing, forgiveness than counseling alone can offer.

It has not been a pleasant journey. War is the ugliest of human phenomenon. Innocent civilians, soldiers, marriages, families, and childhoods—war destroys everything it touches. War is poison. It should be abolished. I wish to contribute my voice to that argument.

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Haunting Buddhist Concept in a World of Wars

dependent origination

Also, dependent causation or conditioned co-arising. A Buddhist doctrine expressing the interdependence of all things. It teaches that no beings or phenomena exist on their own; they exist or occur because of their relationship with other beings and phenomena. Everything in the world comes into existence in response to causes and conditions. That is, nothing can exist independent of other things or arise in isolation.

Courtesy of  The Soka Gakkai Dictionary of Buddhism

Special Thanks @peacecompassion for the source.

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Please Enjoy the Music While You Text REDCROSS to 90999. Help Japan.

The shakuhachi (尺八?, pronounced [ɕakɯhatɕi]) is a Japanese end-blown flute. It is traditionally made of bamboo, but versions now exist in ABS and hardwoods. It was used by the monks of the Fuke school of Zen Buddhism in the practice of suizen (吹禅?, blowing meditation). -Wikipedia

“Essence and Shakuhachi,” San Francisco, 2009, Courtesy of jmia.org

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World at War: Believing in Old Men’s Lies

 

They lived in holes, trenched in desperation before the newest WMD—the German Machine Gun.

The German bunkers were well-built and well-supplied. German soldiers sat, waited for an English head to pop up, just for a peak, and then…

.. bapbapbapbap …

Like a really long, slow game of shooting ducks.

At first, unfamiliar with the realities of this new weapon, the English charged the German bunkers in waves.

Come on, Lads! Some will get through. A few will penetrate the enemy line. They can’t shoot all of us!

But with machine guns, the Germans could easily shoot them all.

So it went.

.. charge! …

.. bapbapbapbapbapbapbapbap ..

.. charge! …

.. bapbapbapbapbapbapbapbap ..

.. charge! …

.. bapbapbapbapbapbapbapbap ..

.. charge! …

.. bapbapbapbapbapbapbapbap ..

The British learned fast. They dug into holes, dug into the ground like animals. So much so that rats began regarding them as such—attacking, fighting with soldiers over army rations.

And the piles of dead comrades that lay rotting in the “no man’s land” between the two armies—the corpses of friends—decomposed to dust, slowly rotting before the eyes of those who dared to watch.

Many minds were shattered—succumbing to bouts of psychosomatic blindness, paralysis, or seizures.

More often than not, these men were accused of cowardice.

Soon the British soldiers began raising their arms, or legs, high out of the trench—an easy target. They would sacrifice a hand, or a foot, to the claws of machine gun fire—just to go home, finally.

Or at least  to be sent to London on a medical leave.

But in London the civilians told them:

England is winning the Great War! It says so in the Newspapers!

They would tell the enraged soldiers:

Your horror stories are obvious fantasies. Just read these OFFICIAL REPORTS!

Most returned to the war more disillusioned than when they left it.

Word spread fast through the trenches. The lies being told, and accepted, in London—mere miles from the fighting—gave rise to an intense bitterness, and a massive wave of culture shock.

This shock ripped away a lifetime of indoctrination and social programming—lies about the grandeur of England, the heroics of war, and especially the oldest of the lies: patriotism.

The “Official” lies were laughably irrelevant in the face of war reality.

And from this nightmare of slaughter, shattered psyches, cultural ruptures, a young poet sent an angry warning—a message to the future “Commanders” and “Chiefs”

His name was Wilfred Owen. He wrote his poems in the trench where he would soon die. In the tail end of his most famous poem, he tells us the truth about love of country, honor, and war.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime. . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et Decorum est
[It is a great honor…]
Pro patria mori.
[…to die for your country.]

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Read Wilfred Owen’s full poem: “Dulce Et Decorum Est”

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Only After I’ve Suffered Enough #CBAnthology

 


 

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Professor Blogger Collects His Thoughts

  • First: Imagine your father was broken by an illegal war that was started by liars. Ok? Got it?
  • Next: Imagine writing a blog about your life with your dad, sharing it with the world, really made you feel better. Also consider: you always wanted to be a writer, you taught writing for nearly a decade, and your blog actually helped others:

I mean, several students told me they sought counseling for depression or anxiety because of…

…she waved her fucking hand, a gesture, to shush me…

 

  • Then: Imagine you created another blog, a pseudonym blog, a persona, to make your employer happy…

“I don’t understand this free speech stuff.” She scoffed. Her suggestion: Pseudonym.

And imagine you did, you wrote anonymously, and then…

 

  • Now Finally: Imagine you get fired for your pseudonym blog.

Oh no no! ..not fired! …just not rehired for another semester… Mmmm. What Rhetoric!

Now I ask you loyal readers, friends, family, and lovers –  IMAGINE: if you were me — Charles Bivona – what would you do next?

Return to
KEEP YOUR TENURE

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power animals

 

“If we quit Vietnam, tomorrow we’ll be fighting in Hawaii, and next week we’ll have to fight in San Francisco.” -Lyndon B. Johnson

—and so my Shaman played her drum—and so I—flat on my back—head facing her beating—the air vibrating my scalp—only to feel myself curling, folding up from my toes, folding up into just the drumming—vibration matched with parallel silence—nothing, emptiness, and the drumming like my heart beat—mother’s heart beat—womb­—until the drumming soon faded—melted—blended into waves: body sensations, emotions, memory flashes—sound foundation—drum-drum-drum-drum-drum-drum-drum—now graveled—like guttural moans and struggles to breath—or to scream—my mind whispered—like my mother—like my mother struggling to scream for me—for me to help her—oh godpleasehelp—meCharlie!—and my father cackling—eyes wide—blank absent—hysterical laughter spitting “jungle!” and “gooks!”—tongue wagging pupils fully dilated—gaping black holes of frightened animal panic—with his right foot firmly planted on my mother’s throat—strangling the life—strangling the look on her face—strangling her skin to beige azure­—as her eyes blankly bulged from the shock—the screaming stare of a pleading desperate animal dying—

dedicated to my dearly departed Shaman friend,
and teacher, Jyoti Crystal. May she have a good journey.

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.. abandoned hope ..

– and so what of the high-chinned lectures? — the waxing on the wings of words, wonderful words, words, words — sophist — liar — asshole — obvious fraud — wearing clothing that could feed a city block  — is that Armani? — Another GQ Spread? — then fuck off with the motivational slogans — and your poorly-mortgaged mixed-metaphor salads — shake the hands of men who picked our pockets — your colleagues — play golf with ‘em — the funding-co-founding-criminal-motherfuckers — and you — another feckless CEO –

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